Welcome to Layman-upon-Waters. This story takes place in the same timeframe as my Laymen series with the same central protagonist. However, my hope is to have this be a stand-alone narrative that doesn’t require readers to be familiar with the main series. It can take place at almost any point on the timeline (provided you ignore the weather!), and it doesn’t develop the series’ underlying narrative. You’ll have to let me know if I’ve succeeded in that!

This is also a novel-in-a-month challenge, so chapters will release much quicker than the main series. On the flip side, I won’t have time to edit chapters to the same standard, so you can expect errors here and there. Wish me luck!

Current wordcount: 25,270 / 50,000

Chapter Three – The Goblins

The village of Ailey lay on the border between Layman’s protectorate territory and the Duchy of Argany. From what Elliot had gathered from his reading during the journey north, the village represented a loophole in the Accord of Regents’ division of land following the continent’s unification. Ailey belonged to both territories, and also to neither. This would have provoked more discussion, if Ailey had been in any way important to regional politics.

From his vantage on the rise south of the village, Elliot spotted old, looping roads intersecting vast fields of ice-lined soil. The farmhouses dotting the horizon let out slender wisps of hearth smoke into the crisp blue of the sky, and the barns’ big doors were closed tight to preserve the warmth of the livestock. Following the road north for about twenty minutes would take them to a cramped village centre consisting of mismatched townhouses, administration offices and what looked like an inn. Elliot could even spot a vanguard of Yule decorations attached to the walls of the public buildings. More than one house sported a festive wreath, and the inn-looking structure had red streamers tied around its first and second storeys.

Ailey looked small, old and quiet. It looked like the sort of village you grew up in and never saw fit to leave, the sort of village that did one thing well enough to keep on living and didn’t feel the need to expand into something else. Or perhaps that was Elliot’s city sensibilities getting the better of him.

But he was fairly sure village life didn’t usually include quite so many goblins.

Jayce clicked his teeth. The guardsman had a spyglass extended in front of his eyes and was inspecting the streets of Ailey with a narrow glower.

“I see fifteen on the main thoroughfare,” he reported, “and at least one poking her head out a window in the structure on the north edge of the village centre. I’d guess at about half again where we can’t see them.”

“Aren’t goblins meant to be afraid of the sun?” asked Sasha, arms folded tight.

“Are they? I don’t really know. If so, maybe there’re more taking shelter underground. Elliot?”

He looked up. “Yes?”

“Ever seen a goblin before?”

“Me? No. I’ve heard the stories, same as everyone. But I thought they’d mostly been wiped out during the Demon Lord’s War. Or pushed back to the wastes, or something.”

“What a terrible state of affairs,” sighed Sam. The auditor was wrapped up tight against the morning cold, her hands shoved deep in her coat pockets. Her rich, blue overcoat matched the outdoors as well as it would match a courtroom, unlike Elliot’s thinner borrowed jacket. “The debauchery these poor villagers must be experiencing under the hands of their monstrous invaders…”

“I… don’t know about that,” said Jayce. “Most of the goblins aren’t carrying weapons. And… there. I see an older chap sharing the road with a couple of them, and he seems happy enough to chat with them.”

“Plus, the village isn’t on fucking fire,” said Sasha with a bark of laughter.

Sam narrowed her eyes at the armoured pair. “What are you implying? Some sort of peaceful coexistence between man and monster? Does that look like the work of an envoy of cooperation?”

Elliot followed the nod of her head down the road. A long palisade of wooden spikes had been erected around the path, and a short wall of boxes formed a makeshift gate on the road itself. The two green-skinned imps manning the gate had been joined by four others on spotting the Accord convoy on the rise, and all six were staring up at them with their hands around their spears.

“What are your thoughts then, team?” asked Sasha.

Elliot looked to Sam. She would naturally want to be the first to share her opinion. But after a moment’s silent deliberation, she looked back to him with a snide scowl.

“Go on,” she said. “You may begin.”

That was different. Since their meeting with the Mercury Fang in the Ilvarith Forest, Sam had been slower to shoot down his ideas, more willing to listen. Not that she was receptive to those ideas, of course, she hadn’t changed that much. But she was giving him the time to share today, and Elliot was happy to call that an improvement.

“If these invaders are capable of living alongside the villagers whose homes they’ve taken,” he said, “they’re likely willing to talk to us too. We should use this as the first step in our formal negotiation with the forces of the Demon Sorceress.”

Predictably, Sam chuckled, tossing back her red hair. “I am loathe to sit across from a peon of the Sorceress and call it a ‘formal negotiation’, Elliot. We ought to be demanding the attention of the highest authority. Anything less is a waste of our time.”

“You’d rather go around?”

“The next best road adds three days of travel,” said Jayce, their navigator. “We’d still be gaining on the Layman battalion if they’re forced to stop here and deal with this issue, but not by much. That won’t be a fight these goblins can win, only stall.”

Sam put her hand on her chin. She scowled down at the winding road through the village of Ailey as if willing it to be less problematic.

“We may talk to them,” she said at last, a queen passing down a boon to a loyal subject. “We can alert them to their impending doom on the end of Layman’s spears, and in return, we can invite them to open the path for us and expedite our meeting with their Demon Sorceress. A swifter end to the conflict benefits this invading force as much as it benefits us. Do you agree?”

Her blue eyes were on him. Was she daring him to contradict her, Elliot wondered? Or was she genuinely asking for affirmation? For all that he approved of Sam’s new receptive attitude, it had made her harder to read.

“I do agree,” he said, chancing a smile.

Sam held his gaze. “Very good.”

“You two are adorable,” said Sasha, bumping Elliot’s shoulder with her padded pauldron. “Should we keep the wagons up here with one of us on watch, in case these invaders get grabby?”

“They’ll only sneak up here while we’ve split our numbers,” said Jayce. He was still looking through his spyglass, and his speech was slow and thoughtful.

“Something up?”

“It’s just… All the goblins are…”

With a playful laugh, Jayce stowed his glass and shook his head. “No, never mind. Must be my imagination.”

They set off down the hill, Elliot and Sam leading the way and Sasha and Jayce driving the wagons. The goblins watched their approach with narrow, bloodshot eyes. And the closer the convoy approached, the more detailed Elliot’s view of the creatures.

As it transpired, goblins were short, stocky humanoids with skin in a variety of tones from the pale green of mint to darker, mossy shades. They were broad in the body, with short legs but longer arms. They had very long ears that came to a sharp point, and thick hair that was black through to earthy brown and even the occasional red. When one leant to whisper to her comrade, Elliot saw a row of sharp teeth behind her wide lips, perfect for taking meat from bone. Their dress reminded him of the robbers of the Mercury Fang, all stitched leather and thick, rough cord. Also like the Fang, these goblin warriors had taken time to tear their clothing in aesthetic rips to show off their skin. Those visibly female had high skirts and low bodices, demonstrating their stocky physiology’s impressive, thick thighs and marvellous, heavy busts. And the males…

Elliot stopped before the barricade, and he blinked. Actually, all the goblins on guard duty were female. And when another cohort bustled over to see what was happening, these were female too. By his estimation, and he was willing to be proven wrong on this ludicrous claim, there wasn’t a single male goblin among them.

The trundle of the wagons at Elliot’s back ceased. He cast a glance towards Sam, her prim, straight back and haughty down-the-nose glower. This time, she didn’t wait for him to begin. When she bowed in the Castle style for the goblins, she did so with a sharp whip of her arm as if unsheathing a weapon. Elliot did the same, though with less grandeur.

This was apparently very funny to the goblins, who chittered amongst themselves and shot the pair points and grins. One of the spear-wielders hopped onto the barricade and planted a cocky hand on her round hip. She smirked at Sam and Elliot, whose height she now matched.

“Bad warriors show off the backs of their heads to an enemy!” she crowed with a mischievous, rasping voice. “Are you bad warriors? Or are you something else?”

“We are a diplomatic envoy of the Accord of Regents,” Sam intoned. The fact that she and the goblin were the same height didn’t prevent her from looking down on the invader. “We seek an audience with your Demon Sorceress. And while we travel through this human village, you will explain your being here and how you will repay any damages you have incurred.”

The goblin audience whistled their appreciation for Sam’s proclamation, even as Elliot winced. That had sounded a lot more imperious than they had agreed.

“We just want to make sure our people are safe,” he said, raising his hands. “We aren’t here to fight.”

“We are not,” Sam agreed. “The armed column on the road behind us are very much prepared for violence.”

The goblin spokesperson cast her eyes over the pair. Her wide mouth was set into a humming, contemplative smile as if weighing up a meal.

“If you want to talk, we can talk,” she said. “We are good talkers. You will see. A-Ah,” she amended, her strong stance faltering, “but the Demon Sorceress is not here, humans. She is far from here.”

“We are aware,” said Sam.

“You can talk to the sisters. They have the, eh? The crown? They can talk like they are the Sorceress.”

“The authority!” called a goblin from further back in the crowd, earning her a few impressed hoots.

Elliot was grinning right along with them. For all the sharp points of their weapons and teeth, this curious, jovial atmosphere was infectious. It was hard to feel any sense of threat from the goblins when they were so willing to laugh and joke with one another. And he held tight to that appreciation as the crowd continued to grow. Goblins poked out of windows and wandered out of gardens to watch the spectacle. Far more than the handful that Jayce had spotted. Perhaps not as many bodies as Layman would be sending against them, but a substantial horde. And yes, they were all of them visibly female.

At his back, Elliot fancied he could hear Jayce’s hissing breath. “Bloody hell.”

“Come inside, humans!” The spokesgoblin hopped from her barricade with a clatter of her iron buckles, and a gathering of her cohort pulled the boxes aside to allow access to the wagons. “Come inside and enjoy talking with us.”

“Thank you,” said Elliot.

Sam said nothing, predictably. She strode forward with the firm gait of a military commander, fully expecting the women to zip out of her way. Which they did, grinning and pointing up at her as she went. Elliot followed on.

But as he passed the talkative goblin who had greeted them, offering her a grateful smile in his passing, he both felt and heard a slap against his rear. Turning with alarm, Elliot looked down into the unrepentant, red eyes of the goblin, who was showing him a mouth full of teeth.

“Nice!” she said.

* * *

“Ah, welcome!” called the muscular goblin at Ailey’s main intersection. “Welcome, more humans! We like humans here.”

Sam regarded the ‘sister’ with wary scepticism. Based on the introduction at the gate, she’d been expecting more than one, but the short, armoured woman stood alone, leaning her weight on a polearm with a long blade at its head. Her attire was more functional than the flirtatious disarray of her peers, with her reinforced skirt of leather plates and her iron-studded headband which kept her shaggy tail of chestnut hair in order. She was also sporting an eyepatch, and Sam chose to assume this wasn’t a costume based on the lighter green of scarring along her bare legs and forearms.

But her smile was open, its viciousness leashed for now, so Sam offered her the same bow she’d learned in her time at the Castle scrivener’s hall.

“You are one of these ‘sisters’ with the authority to speak on the Demon Sorceress’ behalf?” Sam asked.

“Yes, I am that. My name is Noya.”

“Sam of High Tower, and this is Elliot of Layman.”

“Nice to meet you,” said Elliot with an upsettingly affable grin. The stupid boy was letting himself get taken in by the atmosphere. Sam would need to find a way to kick him back to attention before he ruined this opening bout of negotiation.

Their two wagons trundled along the road behind them. The grand swell of goblin women followed on with singing voices and brilliant, curious eyes. Jayce was driving the lead wagon, and he waved down at Sam as he passed them.

“Where’s a good place to hold the fort?” he asked.

“We shan’t need to be here for very long,” Sam assured him. “Move to the north side of the village and wait for us to catch up, that we may make a swift continuation of our journey.”

Jayce saluted her with two fingers and a warm smile, and then he was off. Was he also infected by the goblin females’ suspicious openness? Typical male, thrown off just by a flash of cleavage. Sasha was also smirking from her seat at the rear wagon, but Sam had learned she had her own appreciation for the female form.

As for Sam herself… Well, that was irrelevant. She was aware of and in control of her own heart, and it did not factor into her professional life.

“Sam!”

She blinked. Noya had closed the gap between them and was now right in front of her. The goblin’s hand took hers and held it tight, and her eyes were glittering like the blade of her weapon.

“Sam-Sam! I knew when I saw you, you are a leader!” praised the warrior. “You have authority! Great woman!”

“O-Oh. Thank you.”

“Just like our Demon Sorceress!”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she held her tongue and pushed down her blush.

“We were expecting more than one of you,” said Elliot. “Do you have any sisters, Noya?”

“Not many. Only one other. Nadezha is busy, always busy, or she would be here too. Not rude. Eh,” she added, napping her chin, “not very rude. Just busy.”

“I’m sure.”

“I am pleased to see you all so willing to cooperate with diplomacy,” said Sam.

“Yes, we are good at talking!” said Noya, beaming up at her.

“And this village appears on first glance not to have suffered in your invasion. That is surprising, but it is a welcome surprise. In truth, I expected this place to be ruined and aflame when I saw it had been taken by the forces of the Demon Sorceress.”

Noya tilted her head. “Eh? Why would we break the village? We need to live here too.”

“W-Well,” said Sam, taken aback by the short woman’s confusion. “Well, because… Because we have heard that your kind…”

She looked to Elliot for support, and found him staring at her in horror. He shook his head at her, and she returned to him a savage, embarrassed scowl.

“I only hope that the populace here has been so well treated,” she amended hurriedly.

“Ah! They are well,” said Noya with a hearty nod. “They like us being here. It’s good for the village.”

“They… like that they were invaded?” asked Elliot.

“Oh yes. Ailey worked hard, but their help was far away. My girls have been helping them with the little creatures in their cellars and the bigger creatures out on the plains. You know, creatures on two legs with metal fangs.” She laughed gaily, tossing back her head. “You should ask them why they like burning villages instead of us, eh?”

“That is quite a bold claim,” said Sam. “We would need to hear it from the lips of an Aileyman before taking it as scripture.”

“Oh, I see.” Noya looked up at the sky. “It’s lunch. Many will be breaking from work to eat. We can go and see them.”

“That would be suitable.”

They set of as a trio, flanked by gaggling squads of gawking goblins. When Sam cast her eyes over the mobile assembly, some waved to her. She ignored them.

But Elliot was receiving more of the attention. Goblin women followed the boy closely, one even swiping to try and take his hand. Sam couldn’t hear their whispering voices well, but it sounded like they were crassly appreciating Elliot’s body.

“You are a predominantly female contingent, am I seeing that correctly?” she asked Noya.

Noya grinned over her shoulder. Her armour made her jingle musically in time with her steps. “Almost all girls here,” she said.

“And why is that?”

“Eh? You ask why? Why not?”

Sam shot a questioning glance at Elliot, but he wasn’t paying attention. He was too busy trying to pry the squeezing hands of a giggling goblin girl off his thigh.

“You sound as if you have no need of men in your invasion force,” she remarked.

“Right. Men are useful, but they get in the way in a fight. Fighting is a woman’s job. You know this,” Noya added with a smirk for Sam.

“Goblin males are not fighters by nature?” she asked. “Are they not larger and stronger than females?”

“Not so much.” Noya turned about and began walking backwards so she could hold Sam’s attention. Despite her unwieldy attire, she kept up the pace admirably. “They are good crafters. They dig holes well. But in a fight? Men don’t take pain like women. They fall too quickly. Too meek. And they have that one thing, you know? The big weak point?”

The warrior chuckled, nodding her head towards Elliot. Sam’s partner now had a goblin riding his shoulders while others tried to go through his pockets. At Noya’s question, one of the pickpockets overreached her hand and grabbed his crotch, causing Elliot to yelp in shock.

“One knock in the swingers and down they go,” Noya laughed. “No. Keep them out of the fight, I say. Not safe for men.”

Sam silently considered this surprising twist of goblin ideology. Women leaders, women soldiers. And men left behind to care for the home. Was it wrong of her to find the idea so appealing?

But before she could explore the idea more deeply with Noya, perhaps asking how goblin pregnancy factored into gender roles, they had arrived at the two-storey building in the centre of the village. Red streamers had been wrapped around the building like the belts on an overcoat, and there was a wreath attached to the door. And inside, the mood was festive. A warm hearth burned by the inn’s staircase, and the round tables were filled.

“Oi, oi!” Noya called into the din. “Hello, Ailey! Look, we have guests!”

The human populace of Ailey was of Sam’s parents’ generation, by her estimation. Their wrinkled faces and wide, strong backs suggested at a life of hard labour out in the fields, or perhaps in the quarries north of the village. But today, they were at rest, enjoying full plates of steamed vegetables and bowls of thick stew. Their faces had been warmed red by hot food and tankards of ale.

Sam noted the tutting and groaning that followed Noya’s announcement. More than one of the men by the bar was scowling at the colouration of Sam’s coat. But a tall gentleman with a balding head of white hair stood from his seat and approached her with a smile and an outstretched hand.

“Welcome,” he said. “Ranselm, mayor of Ailey, at your service.”

“Sam of High Tower, ambassador of the Accord of Regents.”

“Please,” said Ranselm, gesturing to his table. “Have you eaten? Care for a drink?”

She took her seat beside the mayor. Two others at the table were men of Ranselm’s age, and a third was a woman wearing an apron. One of the men scooted along his seat and made space on it for Noya, who squeezed in beside him.

“You are here to rout the invaders, are you?” Ranselm asked with a wry raise of one eyebrow.

“Not us. We are on our way to negotiate the surrender of the Demon Sorceress. But help is coming. Perhaps a week away.”

No sound followed her proclamation. The fellow sharing his chair with Noya gave the goblin a wistful look, then sighed down at his plate.

“You do not seem to be poorly kept, if I may say so,” said Sam, tucking some hair behind her ear. “Noya assures me her force is treating you well.”

“I’ll say!” came a voice from further into the inn. “The girls got rid of all the rats in my cellar overnight!”

“And they retook the granary off the Old Road,” said another. “Those ruffians won’t have known what hit ‘em!”

“All our roads got fixed overnight!” said one more.

Ranselm smiled in agreement. He glanced at the woman beside him. “Our women have certainly been appreciating their… unorthodox worldview,” he said. “Tilda isn’t allowed to work as hard as she usually does under our occupation. Noya’s girls keep making one of us do all the cooking for her.”

Tilda slapped him on the arm, but she didn’t argue.

“If they have been nothing but good for the village,” said Sam with a sceptical frown, which she turned on Noya, “then why come here at all? Would the Demon Sorceress not prefer all this effort be spent on her forces, not humans?”

“We need the food from the village stores,” Noya explained. “The Dungeon will soon be sieged, so we came here for supply.”

“And this theft does not irk you, Mayor Ranselm?”

The old man shrugged. “We’d only be giving that food to Argany in the new year. If they do show up for tithes, which I doubt after all this Sorceress business, we can tell them it was taken by an invading force.”

“And Argany didn’t lift a finger to protect us,” said the man on Noya’s chair. “Not that we’d have wanted them to.”

“Allow me to clarify what you are saying,” said Sam. “You would willingly pay taxes to any force that benefited your village, even the Demon Sorceress?”

“That’s right.”

“The Demon Sorceress whose father almost destroyed the world a hundred and fifty years ago?”

“You won’t have seen this, being newly arrived,” said Ranselm, “but Ailey has been on its way out for decades. We only have a handful of young folk to carry on our traditions. Most have moved to St. Argan or further to build a more modern life for themselves. Noya and Nadezha have added some new blood into our old village, in a way. It’s much livelier here. Ailey is hardy enough now to stand by itself.”

“What exactly are you saying?” Sam demanded.

“I’m saying that whether this Demon Sorceress destroys all things or not, Ailey was doomed. And we love this home of ours. We’ll do what needs to be done to see it preserved for as long as we can. Even and especially welcoming some green cousins into our community.”

A smattering of applause filled the inn. Beside Sam, Noya was smirking with open pride.

But Sam’s mind was reeling. The inference of Ranselm’s tale was obvious without him saying so – that when Layman arrived to retake Ailey, they would mourn the loss of their new goblin sisters. Sam’s pride reminded her that he was right to lay some blame at the foot of the Duke of Argany, if that man was still taking tithes from Ailey. He had bought the responsibility for the village’s wellbeing. Perhaps the Accord of Regents could do something to restabilise this region once the Sorceress was dealt with.

No, she knew better than that. The Accord was too big to care about a little village like Ailey. A little village, perhaps, that needed the little women of the Demon Sorceress if it was going to survive.

“Do you truly have no complaint at all about their being here?” she asked, and Ranselm’s sigh betrayed that he’d picked up on her disappointment.

But Tilda was chuckling. She leant across the table towards Noya. “Forgive me for this,” she said to the goblin. “She deserves an honest answer.”

Noya shrugged her armoured shoulders, but her eyes were bright with curiosity.

“If I were to complain,” said Tilda, now to Sam, “it would be that the girls, though lovely, are… a little distracting to certain people. They like to make mischief, and they like to… touch. Men especially, they enjoy touching.”

Tilda’s eyes moved from Sam to over her shoulder. When Sam turned, she saw a small table in the corner of the inn where a younger man was sitting with an untouched meal. A goblin girl wearing a high skirt was kicking her feet where she sat on the tabletop beside him, and the pair were grinning with open enthusiasm for one another. As Sam watched, the girl rested one foot on the man’s thigh and stroked it back and forth.

“Colroy!” Tilda snapped. “Forgot you’re married, did you?”

The man jumped, face reddening. His goblin mistress merely giggled as she hopped from the table and sauntered away, leaving him alone.

“We have had a… a large number of such relationships between Noya’s people and our men,” sighed Tilda. “Very loud, very… physical relationships. And though the girls have been good enough to take a lot of work from us, they have distracted the men. Those distractions have still had their impact on Yule preparations, for example. Sorry,” she added to Noya with a smile.

But Noya merely laughed. “We may be smaller than you, but we have big appetites!” she declared. “We had to leave many good men behind at the Dungeon. But we love men! We love being with men! And they love us, sometimes two or three at a time! It’s a good deal!”

The man across from Ranselm choked on his ale.

Sam adjusted the collar of her coat to hide her fluster. So, that was another reason Ailey was enjoying their goblin invaders. Their rampant libidos would be appealing for a certain kind of male deviant. Readying a smirk, she turned about.

“You have been warned, Elliot,” she said. “Ensure that you… Elliot?”

He wasn’t behind her, as she’d expected. He wasn’t anywhere in the inn at all.

“Where is my partner?” she asked the table.

“Partner?” Ranselm stroked his chin. “You came in here alone, Lady Sam.”

Sam gritted her teeth. Concern that Elliot had been lynched or butchered by monsters never crossed her mind. It was more likely that he was sampling the locals. But surely he wouldn’t sink so low!

Noya was laughing. “I think he got a good offer!” she said.

* * *

Elliot was led into a small house off the eastern road by a large group of goblin women. He didn’t let his anxiety for leaving Sam behind worry him, since she was now enjoying the hospitality of Ailey’s inn. And the women here had been so very charming, with their wide smiles and warm hands. When those hands weren’t grabbing his bum, that was. He could afford to trust them.

The goblins clustered with him into the main room of the house. The oil lantern hanging from the ceiling illuminated a wide work desk and a tall shelf of books, matching the shorter twin shelves on the left and right. This must have been the village’s administrative office, Elliot decided. But where his own Office of Municipal Integration was kept spick and span, Ailey’s was littered with towering stacks of books pulled from their shelves. Some of the tomes lay open to display charts and tables of figures, or maps of the local region and wider continent.

And sitting on the table, a leather-bound book in her lap, was a goblin woman quite unlike any of the others Elliot had seen so far. She had sleek, chestnut hair tied back in a looping knot at the back of her head, and her red eyes were narrow and keen. She wore a long-sleeved, white, cotton dress embroidered at the hem with stalks of corn, and this was made tight around her waist by a thick, leather belt. She had softer, daintier features than the others too, with a small, round nose and pursed lips. But it was the eyeglasses that gave Elliot the most surprise. They sat on her face clumsily since they were slightly too large for her, and her long ears didn’t support the wings quite right. The lenses were big, drawing attention to the roundness of her face.

Elliot, who still had no metric for determining the age of goblins, hesitated to call her ‘adorable’ in his heart in case that was rude. But she was.

The goblin scholar looked up from her work and set her narrow eyes on him. She nodded.

“Good. You are here. Sit down, please.”

Her voice was clipped and trim, her words clear as ink on a page. Her examination of him felt to Elliot like a researcher watching the behaviour of a new form of animal. None of the leering heat of her compatriots. He tried not to feel too disappointed.

There was only one chair in the room, set before the desk. It didn’t match the décor of the office, and Elliot suspected it had been brought from the kitchen. A short stack of books lay on the seat, but before Elliot could ask where he should put them, one of the goblins who had escorted him here ran over and moved them for him. Another pulled the chair over and gestured for him to sit with a shining, mischievous grin. The others in his audience were content to linger at the edges of the room. Elliot wondered why this discussion deserved such an audience, but for now, there was little to do except follow orders.

“You must be Nadezha,” he said as he took his seat. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Elliot.”

Nadezha acknowledged him with a nod. She turned on her rear until she was facing him, her legs lounging to one side.

“A pleasure,” said the goblin. “You are the assistant to your female counterpart, have I read that correctly?”

That stung. Laughing away his embarrassment, Elliot said, “We’re more like partners.”

“Is that so?” She frowned at him over her glasses, then dismissed his words with a shrug. “Then you are more suitable for this discussion than I had realised. You are an ambassador, is that correct? The same as your… partner?”

“Yes. Well, I’m an administrator by trade, an ambassador by need.”

“You are aware of the bureaucracies that govern your Accord of Regents?”

“Y-Yes. Sort of. Sam would be the better one to ask if that’s what you would like to hear about,” said Elliot with another wince.

“I would rather hear it from you.”

“Why’s that?”

Nadezha stared at him, expression flat. Around them, the other girls giggled behind their fingers.

“You would not be happy if I told you my reason,” said Nadezha.

“Now I’m really curious,” he replied. “Please. I’d like to hear.”

“Very well.” The goblin removed her spectacles and faced him directly. “You are male. Ergo, you are meek and servile. Where your beautiful, strong-willed partner would be liable to turn this into a debate, you are more likely to answer my questions concisely and sensibly without asking questions back.”

Elliot had to laugh. Nadezha had hit the nail on the head, if only for the wrong reasons.

As he considered his response, a pair of goblins approached the chair. Each one took one of his hands. He allowed it, since he was meek and servile.

“You asked for me because I’m less of a hassle?” he asked.

“Correct.”

“Then… why am I being tied to this chair?”

He pulled against the new bindings around his wrists, leashing him to the back legs of the chair. The girls laughed at his inability to free himself.

“You are still human,” said Nadezha. “You are twice my size. You are a physical threat to me, so I decided to take precautions.”

“I wouldn’t try to fight you.”

“Prove so with a civil conversation, and perhaps I shall reward you with freedom.”

Elliot sighed. The two girls who’d tied him up hadn’t returned to their seats. The redhead on his right was leaning her elbows on his leg and staring up at him with a toothy smile.

“How can I help?” he asked.

Nadezha nodded. She turned about on the desk and took up a framed map of the village, showing it to him.

“Which member of the Accord of Regents does the village of Ailey belong to?”

“To my knowledge, that’s a matter of debate,” he said. “It’s right on the border of two, but I don’t think either Argany or Layman has many dealings with it.”

“According to taxation records, Argany has been taking a tithe from Ailey in recent years.”

Elliot shrugged as best as he was able. “Then I guess that answers your question.”

Nadezha frowned. She put aside the map and replaced her glasses on her nose. “Then why would a government neglect its own source of income? Why had Argany not fixed Ailey’s roads or routed their local bandits? Why were they unable to prevent our invasion?”

“That’s a good question for Argany,” Elliot replied. “I hear they’ve been short of funds lately. Maybe that’s why.”

“Ah, I see. Then if Ailey’s wellbeing is the responsibility of Argany, who is responsible for Argany?”

“I guess… the wider Accord? I’ll be honest,” he amended, “I’ve always believed each member of the Accord of Regents is responsible for its own welfare.”

“Then why does the Accord exist at all?”

 “I… I don’t know. To win the Demon Lord’s War, I guess.”

Nadezha let out a grating sigh. She pushed up into a cross-legged seat, and once she’d assembled her skirts around her knees, she folded her arms against her round chest. She slowly shook her head, eyes on the tabletop.

By his side, Elliot heard a yawn. He looked down into the eyes of the redhead goblin, who was stroking his thigh with one finger.

“Boring,” she said.

Her complaint inspired him to action. “Can I ask something?” he said to Nadezha. “Why do you care so much about how the Accord is run? Doesn’t the Demon Sorceress want to destroy all things?”

“Many say so,” said Nadezha with a frown. “She says so. But that is short-sighted. To return this world to wilderness invites a return of all people to mindless, animalistic debauchery.”

This got a round of applause from the other goblins in the room, and Nadezha clicked her teeth. On Elliot’s left, a goblin with short, jet-black hair rested her breasts on his other leg with a beaming smile.

“Debauchery!” she sang.

“I would rather we were smarter,” Nadezha interrupted. “If there is a system that manages the co-development of settlements, we should be using those systems, not tearing them down. My sister agrees. And you will find that the people of Ailey are happy we are here. Because we are operating within their existing system.”

They met Ailey where they were, Elliot thought. They didn’t force Ailey to come to them.

“That’s really great, Nadezha,” he said with a smile.

Nadezha’s eyes widened. She turned away and pulled her glasses off her nose, then cleaned the lenses with the hem of her skirt. Elliot spotted red in her round cheeks.

The two goblins beside him hooted their approval. “He likes you!” called the redhead.

“Be quiet,” whispered the scholar.

“No, he does!” agreed the black-haired goblin. “Look!”

Elliot shivered as she reached out her hand and ran a long finger down the shape of his cock under his breeches. It wasn’t erect, but the intimate press of warm, goblin bodies had made a decent start. When he twitched, the goblin laughed.

“He really likes you!”

“I said, be quiet! Elliot, please,” said Nadezha, huffing with fluster, “ignore them. Let us continue our conversation.”

Elliot tried to agree, but the girl squeezed his cock, and all that emerged from his lips was a lewd gasp. The other goblins hooted, and the redhead joined her hand to her friend’s, rubbing Elliot’s now thoroughly engorged erection.

“N-Now,” said Nadezha, “tell me more about taxation. What is a reasonable amount for a village such as Ailey to give to its ruling government?”

The squeezing and kneading were wiping his mind of reason. Elliot writhed against his restraints. “H-Huh?”

“Because I have been reading the tax records.” Nadezha stood on the desk and grabbed a blue-bound book. She frantically leafed through the pages. “I-I did not see a pattern in the tithes offered to Argany. So, wh-what is the rule? Is there one?”

The two goblins gripping Elliot’s legs shared a coy grin. Then, while Nadezha was looking away, the redhead reached up to Elliot’s waistband and began tugging them loose. Her long fingers made short work of the clasp.

“O-Ohh!” moaned Elliot as his cock was released, and the girls got to work stroking him directly. His eyes rolled. “Oh… w-wow!”

“Quite, it is unbelievable,” tutted Nadezha.

Elliot was rubbed vigorously by the two girls. Their dextrous hands knew exactly what they were doing. And as they worked, the other goblins hurried over to take part in making him come. One climbed the back of his chair and held to his shoulder with one hand, pushing her big breasts against the back of his head. Her other hand, Elliot could feel, was in her own skirt, and hot breaths of desire sank into his hair.

“If we cannot expect governments like Argany to be consistent in their taxation,” Nadezha continued, “th-then why is your Accord so rigid in other areas?”

“Rigid!” purred one of the girls.

“Why is one nation held loosely to account, when others are gripped much more tightly?”

“Tight!”

“And could you please stop making those distracting noises?” snapped Nadezha. She slammed her book closed and turned on him. “I would rather you take this discussion more… Girls, what in the Mother’s name are you doing?!”

Meeting her wide, shocked eyes through her big glasses was difficult, but Elliot couldn’t look away. It was all he could manage to not hump his hips against the pleasuring of the goblins.

“Stop this!” Nadezha shouted. “This is a diplomatic discussion! This is not an orgy!”

“It can be both!” laughed the masturbating girl clinging to Elliot’s back.

“Naddie, you wanted to see a human male’s cock!” giggled the redhead. “We all know you want to have a human boy!”

“I-I said no such thing!”

“We saw your notes!” laughed Black-Hair. “We saw your pictures!”

Nadezha was glowing. “Th-Those were private!”

“Look! Look at him!”

“So big!” sighed the redhead goblin. “He will feel good inside you, Naddie! Come here and try!”

She didn’t argue right away, and Elliot’s pleasure-drunk mind begged her silently to agree. But then, she was stamping her foot on the desk.

“H-He clearly doesn’t want this!”

“Ehh?” came a chorus of voices.

“If he doesn’t want it, he can tell us to stop.” Black-Hair grinned up at Elliot as she massaged his swollen head. “Tell us to stop, Elliot. Can you?”

“Elliot?” whispered Nadezha.

He looked back and forth between each set of eyes. He knew that this was improper. Sam would skin him alive if she found out. And in human culture at least, if this situation had been reversed, it would have been woefully problematic.

But Elliot’s cock was singing with the luxuriant massage of the goblins. He could feel breasts on the back of his head. He wanted more. He wanted everything these girls would offer him. Everything and more!

“Tell us to stop,” purred Black-Hair. “Tell us. Go on…”

But in defiance of her words, she pushed up and leant across his leg. She opened her lips and, to the cheering of the others, she put his cock in her mouth and began to suck.

“Oh… fuck!” Elliot spluttered.

Her mouth was hot and wet, and her long tongue was a lovely, lashing whip. She drank the pleasure right out of him. Elliot saw stars.

When the surprise cleared, and with Elliot now resolutely humping the bobbing mouth of the goblin, he fixed his eyes on Nadezha. Her eyes were wide, entreating. She had one hand clasped at her breast, and another was rummaging against her skirt.

“Elliot?” she asked. “Do you… want this?”

He grinned. “It’s a k-kind of diplomacy,” he answered. “At least, I-I’ve been telling myself that.”

“Does this sort of thing happen to you often?”

“More often than I’d expected when I took this job.”

Nadezha finally cracked a smile. It was small and shy, but very lovely. “Very well. I… I will admit to being curious. As an ambassador of my people,” she said, tipping back her head and looking down her nose at him, “it behoves me to understand other cultures. Elliot, please teach me.”

The other girls relinquished him, leaving him cold and wet. They cheered as Nadezha walked forward along the desk. She tugged off her shoes with her toes, then hopped across the gap to Elliot’s chair. Her cotton hem brushed his wet cock as she lifted it, then knelt and straddled him.

“You are so very large, compared to me,” she said. Elliot could smell a familiar scent of ink and parchment on her skin. And this close, with her nose inches from his, he spotted a charming ink stain on one rosy, green cheek. “I confess, my blood is excited, but trepidatious.”

“You’re in control,” he replied. “Use me as you wish.”

The other girls hooted their approval. “Good words!” sang the redhead.

Nadezha blushed. She slipped one hand under her skirt and took Elliot between her fingers. When his head brushed over a nest of pubic hair and became slick with the fluid of her sex, she gasped with delight. She shuffled forward. Then, she sat herself down.

The goblin scholar moaned through clamped lips as he skewered her. Her body stiffened against his.

“S-So big!” she grunted. “O-Ohh… I… I like it!”

“Me too,” Elliot whispered.

“Then you will not mind if I g-get underway.”

“Please do.”

Nadezha began to bounce. Her body rocked on Elliot’s throbbing cock and ate him up. She sighed into the collar of his jacket and gripped his shoulders.

She was tight indeed, a pulsating vice around his rod. Elliot met her sighs with his moans. He let her know just how good she felt.

The chair creaked under their humping, its wooden joints complaining. This wasn’t what they’d been designed for. And their complaints grew louder as Nadezha upped the pace of her bounce. Her hands became claws in Elliot’s hair, and her parted lips showed off the sharp points of her teeth.

“Ah-ah-ah!” she sang in time with her movements. “Ah, yes, yes!”

And around them, the other girls shared their own joy. One of the goblins, likely the one who’d been on Elliot’s back, hopped onto a seat on the desk and began openly rubbing herself up her skirt. Others humped his leg and let him feel the shapes of their bodies through their clothes.

“Ooh! Oooh! Elliot!” Nadezha’s lovemaking was growing manic. Her red eyes shone with primal hunger. Her round hips slapped time and again onto his thighs. “Elliot! M-My human l-lover!”

Pressure at his wrist preceded snap of twine, and Elliot realised he’d been released from his bindings. He wasted no time. Elliot took the startled Nadezha in his hands and held her tight at the waist. He thrust up and into her with force, encouraging her savagery with his own.

“Oh! F-Fuck!” he groaned. “I’m gonna come!”

“Mmhmm! Please!” Nadezha gasped. “Inside me! Make me full!”

He ran his hands over her breasts and thumbed her nipples through her dress. He drank in the sight of her lopsided glasses and big, dark pupils. He squeezed her, kneaded her, until he could take no more of her.

“N-Nade-… Nade-…!!”

Holding her in a tight hug, Elliot came. He left a great load inside her goblin womb. His cock shivered as it spent its tension inside her pussy.

But Nadezha was soon underway once more. She gripped his arms and violently pummelled his cock with her body. She shook and shrieked as she used him to bring her to climax. And Elliot encouraged her with sighs of desire.

She tumbled over the edge moments later, and Elliot was surprised by the deep, wet kiss she used to scream her orgasm down his throat. Her long tongue filled his mouth, and her pointed teeth raked his soft lips. And she left a slick stain on the front of his breeches.

The goblins applauded. The girl sitting on the desk experienced her own shivering orgasm, but Elliot couldn’t hear it over the sound of their cheering.

“Yes, Naddie!” bellowed Redhead. “Yes, sister!”

Nadezha pulled off his lips with an exhausted smile. “I… I understand!” she panted. “I understand why… so many of the girls… have been so… distracted!”

Her sharp teeth shone in the lanternlight. “I could get addicted to human cock!”

Elliot laughed along with all the others. He kissed her again. He drowned in the approval of the goblins.

* * *

Sam stormed down another of Ailey’s streets. The jingle of Noya’s armour pursued her.

“Elliot!” she called. “Dress yourself and come here this instant!”

But all that emerged from the row of little buildings were unfamiliar faces, human and goblin. Sam knew she was making a scene, but she didn’t much care. She was a representative of the Accord of Regents, and for her sins, so was Elliot! They had a responsibility to act with decorum!

“Elliot!”

“S-Sam…” said a panting Noya. “I am sorry! I didn’t know Elliot was your assistant and your man!”

“He’s not my…” Sam growled, shaking her head. “I am simply concerned. However hospitable your force, Noya, they are still an enemy force. I must-…”

“Sam?”

She snapped about at the sound of his voice. Elliot was approaching at a languid pace from the village centre. His hair was a state, and he was carrying his jacket in front of his crotch. His shirt collar was bent askew, very slovenly, and his gait was wonky like his hips had been injured. But before she could launch into a tirade against him, Sam spotted the goblin walking close by his side.

“Naddie!” greeted Noya. “I don’t see you outside often!”

“I thought it best to escort Sir Elliot back to his group,” said the bookish woman. When she turned her eyes on her, Sam recognised a resonant depth of intelligence in the red. “Lady Sam, I apologise for monopolising his time. He has been most helpful in answering my questions.”

“We talked about the Accord,” Elliot hurriedly added. “Nadezha wanted to make sure Ailey was being looked after by her, you know, government systems.”

Sam folded her arms. “And you gave her only correct answers?”

“Right.”

“Because I don’t believe you know that much about the Accord.”

“Sure, but w-we came to an understanding in the end.”

Elliot looked down at the goblin Nadezha, who smiled up at him in return. And Noya, giving off a strange, little gasp, leapt forward to embrace her sister.

“You did your research!” she laughed. “Just like you wanted!”

“Please, shut up. Elliot, Sam, you are leaving us now?” Nadezha asked hurriedly.

Elliot looked to her, as was correct, and Sam nodded. “We have determined that Ailey is safe from threats for now. I shall be passing such on to the Accord of Regents at the next available opportunity, and we shall incorporate what we have seen into our dealings with the Demon Sorceress.”

“Great!” beamed Noya.

“What about you?” asked Elliot. “What are you going to do now? Are you planning on staying here until the Layman soldiers arrive? I’d hate to see this place turned into a battlefield.”

Noya and Nadezha shared a look. Nadezha nodded, and Noya sighed.

“We will go,” said the warrior. “Seven days before they come, you said? Then in three, we will go. Back to the Dungeon.”

“We already have the supplies we need to extend our time in a siege,” Nadezha agreed, pushing her big spectacles up her button nose. “It is time we left these people in peace.”

“I suppose that’s for the best,” said Elliot.

His wistful tone was aggravating, but Sam unfortunately empathised. Ailey’s goblin allies would set the village at their backs, leaving them to fend for themselves. The streets would feel much colder without all this life.

“Perhaps we will see you at the Dungeon,” said Sam. “A supportive voice would be helpful in seeking peace with the Sorceress.”

“What’s the Demon Sorceress like?” asked Elliot.

“Yes, do you have any advice for how best to handle her?”

The sisters shared a second look. This time, their silent consensus was less certain.

“The Demon Sorceress is a powerful ruler,” said Noya. “She’s big and strong.”

“She is full with the wisdom of centuries,” agreed Nadezha.

“She can boss around even the scariest monsters!”

“And yet she understands our plight and is compassionate to the downtrodden.”

“Sexy too! But… She is… a lot, eh? You know? What’s the word?”

Nadezha tapped her lip. “Eccentric? She appreciates theatre. She enjoys making a spectacle of even small matters.”

“So, what is your advice?” asked Sam.

“If I were in your shoes, I would provide her the opportunity to make that spectacle. Take her seriously, even if she comes off as a little ridiculous, and grant her the space to make a show of her dealings with you.”

“She’s the terrifying Demon Sorceress!” laughed Noya. “You should let her believe so when you talk. Be meek, like a good man. When she sees that you understand, she will listen to your words.”

“Hopefully,” amended Nadezha with a shy smile.

Their farewells complete, Sam and Elliot walked north to rejoin the convoy. Around them, clusters of goblins and a few humans watched their departure. But Sam didn’t see them. She was turning over her brimming thoughts.

“Be meek…” she whispered. “Let her make a show… That is not good advice for a usual diplomatic negotiation, but… we may need to adapt.”

Then she looked up and set a sharp smile on Elliot. “It seems I was right to offer for you to take the lead with the Sorceress. You embody the male goblin values adroitly.”

Elliot laughed and winced. “Ouch.”

Up ahead, the blue and white of the wagon covers. The end of their time in Ailey, and the recommencement of their journey.

“This place is quite something, isn’t it?” said Elliot.

“Indeed. I have… been forced to learn a great deal. Our journey has not been what I expected.”

“Me neither. But I’m glad you’re here, Sam.”

His teal eyes were warm, and Sam fought the urge to step back from the sudden intimacy of his words.

“We make a good team,” he said.

“We…”

Sam trailed off, unsure of how to respond. A good team? They certainly brought different skills to the table, and that diversity created a wider breadth of diplomacy options. Elliot’s tempered, even-mannered attitude to negotiation left him open to hearing what Sam’s training would encourage her to disregard.

But to admit any of that would undermine their relationship. More specifically, her leadership. She turned her head away.

“Speaking of our team, where are Jayce and Sasha?” she asked instead. “I see our wagons, but not their defenders.”

As they reached the convoy, peering about in search of their two guards all the while, Sam heard a heated gasp of breath from within the covers. She scowled.

“Jayce?”

Following a clatter and a rustle, Jayce emerged. Just his head, since he was holding the wagon flaps closed around his neck, and his usually sleek hair was tousled just as Elliot’s had been. His cheeks were red, his smile more than a little lop-sided.

“That was fast!” he said. He sounded out of breath. “Are we… heading out?”

Sam folded her arms and set a scowl across her brow. “If that is convenient for you.”

“Yes, sure. Right away.”

“Where is Sasha?”

Speaking her name summoned the guard. Her head popped from the wagon flaps below Jayce’s. Her blonde spikes were beaded with sweat.

“How can I help?” she asked.

“Oh. Good.” Sam’s ire burned even through Elliot’s childish sniggering. “Get us ready to leave, please.”

“On it, Princess.”

“Honestly, you would think this was a lewd jaunt and not a commission to bring peace to the realm,” Sam sighed. “Elliot, please have the horses-…”

Stepping around the rear wagon, Sam paused at the sight of two green shapes sneaking out from within the blue and white covers and slinking towards a nearby alley. The two goblins were clutching their shed clothes and giggling as they retreated into the shadows.

“Sorry?” asked Elliot.

Sam rolled her eyes. “Let us be gone,” she said.

laymenstory